Small Talk or Silence?

I don’t like to do things/talk unless there is a POINT to it. I find small talk difficult. There is a resistance inside me.

Ask me to talk to a crowd or one to one to educate them and advocate for ADHDers/autistics/aspies/gifted/2e’ers? No problem, I could 'talk for England' as they say. You might even get bored of hearing about it! "Will she ever shut up!?"

Why waste energy talking about meaningless/insignificant things? Well, I will do this when it makes the other person more comfortable. Then there is a purpose to it. Sometimes when I don’t do what may be socially conventional, it may come across as a bit rude or more often seen as being 'aloof'.

But the WHY is of utmost importance. I need a good reason to feel motivation otherwise if there is little or no engagement in and from me.

When I was a child and even a young adult I would wonder why I felt NOTHING. I literally had no reaction or emotion to something which I thought I was supposed to.

Back then I would wonder what’s wrong with me? Thank goodness now I know it’s probably just because it isn’t interesting or natural to me. Thank goodness I’m not still wondering - wasting mental and emotional energy. Thank goodness I’m not beating myself up judging and labelling myself wrongly.

If you live by your values and stay true all/most of the time, what those who stay around will know is, you are always being authentic. Or as authentic to yourself and others as possible.

This is truth and honesty.

In yogic philosophy there are guidelines to live well - these are called Yamas and Niyamas. Yamas guide us on how to treat others. Niyamas guide us on how to treat or act yourself.

Satya = Tell the truth

Another yama is Ahimsa - which means do no harm/practice non-violence.

Sometimes we choose Ahimsa (not hurting others) over Satya (telling the truth) by making ourselves do the unnatural small talk instead of skipping it. It can be really draining. But sometimes, we have to not hurt ourselves and therefore give ourselves permission not to talk.

Ahimsa is an important concept for everyone, but especially for ourselves, when we are neurodivergent and have put others' social comfort first for most of our lives.

Do you practise Ahimsa (non harm) on yourself or do you think you need to cultivate that a little more for yourself? To be kinder to yourself?

I’ve got a “Simple Guide to Understanding and Supporting your Neurodivergent Self (or Loved Ones)” free email series you can sign up to if you are wanting to take another step forward toward working with me...

The series of 5 emails equips you with video, audio, and other tools that are designed to take you from feeling anxious and overwhelmed to calm and clear. You'll also get occassional insights into life on the neurodiversity spectrum to further help you understand yourself (or your loved ones).