One thing at a time...

Here's how you can solve problems intentionally, not reactively...

You might have heard of the concept of focusing on just one thing in business for productivity and getting things done. This is an extremely effective approach if trying to get a lot done overwhelms you. When you try to do too many things at once you can spread yourself too thin and get nowhere. This also applies to parenting challenges.

The concept of focusing on one thing at a time is a caregiving principle used when applying Collaborative Proactive Solutions (CPS), a psychosocial technique developed by Dr Ross Greene.

In CPS you list or 'brain dump' ALL the problems that you have with parenting your child. As an example, maybe they:

• Don’t sleep until 2am,

• Swear at you,

• Refuse to shower,

• Forget to brush their teeth,

• Spend too much time on the computer or their phone,

• Don't pay attention when you speak to them.

What you then do is pick the One Problem you want to work on right now.

Yes, only ONE!

The concept of ONE thing really does work. It’s worked for me with my own kids, as well as in my business to move me forward, and it also works with clients to help them with their own personal challenges whether parenting or self-healing from their own emotionally dysregulated parents.

The thing is, it’s really hard to apply sometimes — especially when it’s in the heat of the moment while parenting or teaching your child. And just like when in an argument with a partner, it's so easy to bring up unrelated issues from the past instead of just focusing on the one thing you are “discussing” now.

While you’re asking them to get off their computer, you think you might as well throw in that they still haven’t tidied up the mess in their room, got any studying done, and they're still going to bed too late. Let's not forget the apology you want from them for swearing at you!

This approach usually doesn’t work. There's overwhelm and big stress for all concerned.

So I recommend and remind all of you who need this, to focus on just One Thing. The proviso with this approach working means that we have to:

LET

EVERYTHING

ELSE

SLIDE...

We cannot complain or try to work on another one or two things being sorted at the same time. It means you are focused and intentional, and there is clarity on boundaries. Now, you can probably see that this is potentially going to take a long time to get problematic behaviours/issues resolved.

BUT, think about how long you have been trying to do something and how it’s not been sorted despite your every effort and constantly thinking about what to do and how to go about it, for months and maybe even years, or decades, or a lifetime.

So if you’ve been stuck on many issues for a long time, I encourage you to try this approach of accepting all your problems, with long-term intentionality of just focusing on One Thing for now. Put your full energy and attention on that One Thing and see what happens.

Have you ever tried the One Thing approach or the CPS approach? I'd love to hear about your experience.

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